Style Conversational Week 1256: He’ll doodle us proud You have 4 cartoons to use in this week’s caption contest. Bob Staake gave me 18. One of 18 sketches that Bob Staake worked up in no time flat as possible pictures for this week’s caption contest. (Bob Staake for The Washington Post) By Pat Myers Pat Myers Editor and judge of The Style Invitational since December 2003 Email // Bio // Follow // November 30, 2017 There’s not a lot to elaborate on in eitherthis week’s new contest — our 30-umpteenth contest featuring the cartoons of Bob Staake — or today’s results of Week 1252, names for new medications. But I do want to, once again, marvel to y’all about Bob’s astonishingly prolific creativity: When I realized on Monday that even the 40 entries that I’d run this week wouldn’t come close to filling the print page — because they’re each just a few words long — I knew that this would be the ideal week to show four cartoons at a decent size. On Tuesday morning Bob emailed me with EIGHTEEN sketches — doodles, he calls them — labeled by letter. “Pick four,” he said. I’d like to share them all with you; each is wonderfully zany in its own way. But I don’t want to make them ineligible for a future contest, so I’m showing you just the 13th of the 18, which I won’t be using because I don’t want to invite ethnic or religious humor — even though the fat guy on the rug does have deliciously tiny hands. Remember, when you write captions for these pictures, that there /will / be a lot of duplication of ideas (especially puns), so funny writing might be what gives you the edge. I ask Bob to make the characters ambiguous so they could reasonably be identified as a range of people — for example, the man in Picture C could be of any ethnicity (though not Trump); the woman in B, though, can’t be Michelle Obama or Nancy Pelosi or even Hillary Clinton. As always, I’ll give double credit to two people who did the same joke and whose wording was equally good, or if I combine elements of each of their entries into one. But usually I find some rationale in choosing one entry over another. For inspiration and guidance, here are links to some earlier Picture This results; if the link takes you to the top of the page, scroll down to the caption results. Week 1232, June 2017 Week 1197, 2016 Week 1126, 2015 Week 1096, 2014 And for something completely different, but even more marvelous: Read about Bob’s gorgeous new picture book for children, “The Book of Gold.” It is a visual masterpiece. *URGENT LOSER-SIGHTING NEWS: TWO BRUNCHES AND THE PARTY* We’ll get back to this week’s results in a moment; I just wanted to be sure you saw this. The next *Loser brunch,* on Sunday, Dec. 10, at noon, is at the expansive buffet at Paradiso, an Italian place on Franconia Road, close to the Beltway between the Van Dorn Street and Springfield exits. It’s been the site of many Loser Brunches, with such memorable moments as Jeff Contompasis displaying his prowess in the Nose Aerobics glasses-basketball game(actual video) and Jeff Shirley introducing himself by presenting the Empress with a giant papier-mâché toilet plunger, which she promptly placed on her head . I’m very sorry that I can’t attend this time; I’m singing in achoral concert that day in Maryland and the performers have to be there by 2, without plunger headwear. But you can have my buffet portion: RSVP to Elden Carnahan at the Losers’ Web page, NRARS.org ; click on “Our Social Engorgements.” As with all our get-togethers, you don’t have to have Invite ink to attend; everyone is welcome, even The Merely Curious. Meet the Losers! I /will/ be at a *Special Unofficial Supplementary Loser Brunch* on Saturday, Dec. 30. It was requested by 71-time Loser Edward Gordon, who’ll be visiting from Texas and has to return later that afternoon. He’ll be staying at a hotel near the King Street Metro station in Alexandria, and so we’ll have lunch at noon at Hard Times Cafe (1404 King St.; free parking), a joint that specializes in four kinds of chili. If you’d like to join us during that between-the-holidays lull, let me know so we can get a head count. And!!! Clearly under the influence of some terrible potion, 35-time Loser Steve Langer and Style Invitational Devotee Allison Fultz once again have offered to host the*Loser Post-Holiday Party *at their lovely, close-to-the-Metro house in Chevy Chase, Md., on the evening of Saturday, Jan. 13. As always, it’s a potluck and we’ll have some sort of parody singalong amid the general schmoozage. In a few weeks I’ll be sending an Evite and will add details here as we have them. *FUNNY PHARMA*: THE RESULTS OF WEEK 1252 * /(*Non-inking headline idea submitted independently by Great Minds Mark Raffman, Chris Doyle and Jesse Frankovich)/ The Week 1252 contest to imagine a name for a new drug brought in lots and lots of entries; my rough count was 1,700. And we had a bunch of new entrants, too, including this week’s two First Offenders. But I wouldn’t have wanted to run more than the 40 entries — and that’s a lot! — that got ink this week; the vast majority of entries were wordplays on the names of real drugs without much of a joke attached. I did compile a long list of funny drug names that deserved funnier descriptions, including Bitterpyl, Belladonald, Frolic Acid, Blamitol and Gaffeine. But of course, those 1,660 meh entries are irrelevant (except to my wakefulness; thanks, Mr. Coffee!). And we end up with ink for 27 Losers among the 40 entries. The three runners-up this week, Rob Huffman, Mark Raffman and Kevin Dopart, are all among the Invite’s highest-scoring Losers ever, with 170, 448, and, sheez, 1,336 blots of ink, including four this week for Kevin. But it’s the first win ever — and the first week “above the fold” — for William Verkuilen of suburban Minneapolis. Bill has been getting ink from way back in the Czarist era, Week 497, but at a very sane rate; his drug Mar-a-Lax — a tool softener — is his 17th blot of Invite ink, and particularly deserving of the tool-inspired Lose Cannon trophy. *What Doug Dug:* Ace Copy Editor Doug Norwood’s faves this week were all honorable mentions: Larry Flynn’s Head & Armpits & Crotches shampoo (because who has hair on their shoulders?); Rick Haynes’s Disrobetussin; Rob Cohen’s and Steve McClemons’s Etceterin; and Dudley Thompson’s Zipperex. As a longtime grammar corrector, including my 26 years as a copy editor in The Post’s Style section, I very rarely countenance the “singular ‘they’ ”; I like my pronouns to agree in number with their subjects. But I found an excellent example in Larry Flynn’s entry — “Who has hair on their shoulders?” — for an instance when the singular “their” is the best choice. To change “theirs” to “his” or “hers” would seem oddly exclusive, and “his or hers” absurdly awkward. Much better would have been to avoid the has/their disagreement with “Who has shoulder hair?” But we’re making a play on Head & Shoulders, so having the noun “shoulders” makes the joke work better; it’s just the better choice. But oh, it’s still tough for me to admit it. *HAD ENOUGH? * Chronic Losers: I’m truly happy to mail out prizes to you week after week along with my little “Congratulations — you lose” letter; I’ve heard from people who say that it’s the only snail mail they get all week that’s not a mass mailing, and people who are trying to entirely encase their refrigerators with Loser magnets. But listen: IF you’ve gotten enough prize letters or magnets and find yourself just tossing them unopened, let me know: I can instead: — Email you the letter instead (as one person has me do). — Keep sending you the paper letter but not send you any more magnets (as couple of others have requested). — Or you can pass on both letter and magnet. Really, I’m perfectly happy to do any of those, as well as to keep sending them — as long as you least bother to open them, and not just throw out the prize.